I have been home now for a couple of weeks. Though it was been SO GOOD to see everyone that I missed I am still adjusting. It's weird because it never takes me long to adjust to home.
But this time is different.
This time it is much more difficult.
I surprised myself with how fast I adjusted to New York. I think it was because I knew it wasn't permanent and I would see all my loved ones in a couple months.
But now that I am back I have to face this next year and it seems to be full of change. Some of this change is permanent.
And. Permanent. scares. me.
I am permanently now an adult--there is no going back.
I am slowly taking over my financial responsibilities--that is stressful.
Friend situations are changing--this is sad and exciting.
As I embark on this next year--my next adventure, I pray that through this time of change and adjustment I find myself growing closer to my God, my family, and my friends. I pray that I will find the joy in every situation...even when it is difficult to find. Cause change is hard for me. It always has been, especially when some of the change may be permanent.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Not Goodbye But See You Later
I knew going to Ikea was a mistake. I told myself that I was only going to look. Yeah Right! Five hours later with a large floor lamp, a desk lamp, and some shelves I was on my way out the door. My entire way back to my NY home I was racking my brain on how I was going to get these items back to Idaho.
My sister had a large suitcase she wasn’t in need of so she lent it to me. It was perfect. I crammed my summer life into two large suitcases, a duffel bag, a backpack, and a purse. I was set…well at least I thought. I still had no clue how much each of them weighed or how I was going to maneuver them around the city until I checked them in at the airport.
Tara said the easiest way to deal with that much luggage is to call a car. Well getting a car to the airport I was flying out of was kind of pricey so I figured out another plan. I was going to get a car to take me to Manhattan Port Authority. From there I will buy a bus ticket to take me to the airport (Newark). BINGO. I had it figured out. So the day before I flew out I decided to go to Port Authority to purchase a bus ticket and figure out where I needed to go. I even put all the information in my phone…I needed/wanted to be prepared. I was going to be 100% ready for the morning.
Three o’clock came to fast. I jumped in the shower, crammed my last items in the suitcases, and was on my way to Port Authority. My driver talked my ear off about relationships. He was telling me about how many boys cheat and lie. I lied to him and told him I had a boyfriend when he asked if I was single. He told me to constantly be checking up on my boyfriend. Goodness!
Once we made to the bus station my driver unloaded my luggage and I was on my way. But as I was on my way I was having difficulty juggling my luggage. A few people who were out in the early a.m. could definitely see this. A man came up to me asking for money. I turned him down but he wouldn’t let up. He then offered to help me if I paid him. To be honest, be freaked me out a little. A random taxi driver saw this going on and came over and grabbed my other suitcase to help me get away. Thanks random taxi driver!
Finally I made it inside Port Authority.
Once I entered the station I saw that everything was closed and they had police guarding the gates. My old nickname “Stressy Jessie” soon became relevant again. I kept asking where I needed to go but nobody seemed sure. I was told the bus will pick me up somewhere outside along the building. I didn’t want to wait outside…I was scared. Then I panicked. I called the car that dropped me off and asked if he would come pick me up again. He laughed and told me he was already back in Brooklyn. He said I should have listened and allowed him to just take me to the airport in the first place. Yes, yes maybe I should have.
Eventually I saw my bus pass the building I was in. I decided to head that direction to see where it stopped. I grabbed my belongings and in the process knocked over one of my suitcases, which almost hit a random lady. She told me I needed to get my stuff together and continued to mumble a few other rude words at me. Thanks lady! Does it look like I am enjoying this??? The bus I needed to catch wasn’t far at all—actually it was right along the building I was in. Good thing I didn’t listen to my cab driver! :)
I succeeded in getting all my luggage checked in. AND all three of my bags were not overweight (1st bag--48 pounds, 2nd bag--49 pounds, 3rd small bag--30 pounds). Pretty good if I do say so myself—I am becoming a good estimator when it comes to baggage weight.
After checking my luggage I boarded the plane.
Sigh...that's when it hit me...New York has come to an end.
I am sad. I am excited (to be with my family and friends in Idaho). I have so many mixed feelings. Pieces of my heart were left there--and I think that's what hurts the most.
In New York--
I learned. I grew. I cried. I laughed. I hurt. I experienced. I overcame. I stressed. I trusted. I changed. I even had adventures.
When I first came to New York City I was unsure of how I felt. I didn't know if I was overwhelmed, scared, or excited. But after the first couple days I knew I was in love. I loved experiencing something so different than what I was use to. I loved that I felt somewhat independent--even though there were times I wasn't. I loved the overall idea that I was living in a HUGE city.
Not everything I planned happened while I was here. There were actually some really tough times. Because I got a job so late in the summer I couldn't afford to sublet. Therefore I crammed myself into my sister's studio apartment. Even though there were hard times because of the situation, there were also good. And THAT counts for something. And even though in the end not everything I planned turned out the way I wanted it to, something still turned out...And I had an amazing adventure.
As I am sitting on the plane I am feeling torn. A little boy sitting in front of me said, "Can't we just turn around and go back to New York?" Yeah can't we? Do not get me wrong though. I am SO excited to see my family and friends back home. But I miss NYC. I miss the way of life. I miss the hustle and bustle. I miss the church I became apart of. I miss the feeling that I was still on summer vacation. And I miss my sister.I will never forget my time in New York. It taught me so much. So I will be back someday soon. So see you later New York City--I will be returning...soon.
My sister had a large suitcase she wasn’t in need of so she lent it to me. It was perfect. I crammed my summer life into two large suitcases, a duffel bag, a backpack, and a purse. I was set…well at least I thought. I still had no clue how much each of them weighed or how I was going to maneuver them around the city until I checked them in at the airport.
Tara said the easiest way to deal with that much luggage is to call a car. Well getting a car to the airport I was flying out of was kind of pricey so I figured out another plan. I was going to get a car to take me to Manhattan Port Authority. From there I will buy a bus ticket to take me to the airport (Newark). BINGO. I had it figured out. So the day before I flew out I decided to go to Port Authority to purchase a bus ticket and figure out where I needed to go. I even put all the information in my phone…I needed/wanted to be prepared. I was going to be 100% ready for the morning.
Three o’clock came to fast. I jumped in the shower, crammed my last items in the suitcases, and was on my way to Port Authority. My driver talked my ear off about relationships. He was telling me about how many boys cheat and lie. I lied to him and told him I had a boyfriend when he asked if I was single. He told me to constantly be checking up on my boyfriend. Goodness!
Once we made to the bus station my driver unloaded my luggage and I was on my way. But as I was on my way I was having difficulty juggling my luggage. A few people who were out in the early a.m. could definitely see this. A man came up to me asking for money. I turned him down but he wouldn’t let up. He then offered to help me if I paid him. To be honest, be freaked me out a little. A random taxi driver saw this going on and came over and grabbed my other suitcase to help me get away. Thanks random taxi driver!
Finally I made it inside Port Authority.
Once I entered the station I saw that everything was closed and they had police guarding the gates. My old nickname “Stressy Jessie” soon became relevant again. I kept asking where I needed to go but nobody seemed sure. I was told the bus will pick me up somewhere outside along the building. I didn’t want to wait outside…I was scared. Then I panicked. I called the car that dropped me off and asked if he would come pick me up again. He laughed and told me he was already back in Brooklyn. He said I should have listened and allowed him to just take me to the airport in the first place. Yes, yes maybe I should have.
Eventually I saw my bus pass the building I was in. I decided to head that direction to see where it stopped. I grabbed my belongings and in the process knocked over one of my suitcases, which almost hit a random lady. She told me I needed to get my stuff together and continued to mumble a few other rude words at me. Thanks lady! Does it look like I am enjoying this??? The bus I needed to catch wasn’t far at all—actually it was right along the building I was in. Good thing I didn’t listen to my cab driver! :)
I succeeded in getting all my luggage checked in. AND all three of my bags were not overweight (1st bag--48 pounds, 2nd bag--49 pounds, 3rd small bag--30 pounds). Pretty good if I do say so myself—I am becoming a good estimator when it comes to baggage weight.
After checking my luggage I boarded the plane.
Sigh...that's when it hit me...New York has come to an end.
I am sad. I am excited (to be with my family and friends in Idaho). I have so many mixed feelings. Pieces of my heart were left there--and I think that's what hurts the most.
In New York--
I learned. I grew. I cried. I laughed. I hurt. I experienced. I overcame. I stressed. I trusted. I changed. I even had adventures.
When I first came to New York City I was unsure of how I felt. I didn't know if I was overwhelmed, scared, or excited. But after the first couple days I knew I was in love. I loved experiencing something so different than what I was use to. I loved that I felt somewhat independent--even though there were times I wasn't. I loved the overall idea that I was living in a HUGE city.
Not everything I planned happened while I was here. There were actually some really tough times. Because I got a job so late in the summer I couldn't afford to sublet. Therefore I crammed myself into my sister's studio apartment. Even though there were hard times because of the situation, there were also good. And THAT counts for something. And even though in the end not everything I planned turned out the way I wanted it to, something still turned out...And I had an amazing adventure.
As I am sitting on the plane I am feeling torn. A little boy sitting in front of me said, "Can't we just turn around and go back to New York?" Yeah can't we? Do not get me wrong though. I am SO excited to see my family and friends back home. But I miss NYC. I miss the way of life. I miss the hustle and bustle. I miss the church I became apart of. I miss the feeling that I was still on summer vacation. And I miss my sister.I will never forget my time in New York. It taught me so much. So I will be back someday soon. So see you later New York City--I will be returning...soon.
Friday, July 15, 2011
They call me Nanny Jessie
So as most of you know I finally got a nannying job. I work some week nights and all day on weekends for a single mom with a little boy (C-age 3) and a little girl (E-1 month). When I first met the family the boy seemed to be the such friendly little guy. I was relieved because most nannying experiences seem to be horror stories.
Well last week was my first week and you could say C and I are not the best of friends...yet. This little boy is friendly...when he wants to be. My first day on the job he was constantly telling his mom, "I don't like her." WHAT? Kids have always liked me! What's wrong him? :) By the end of the night he was beginning to warm up to me so I thought the next day would go much better. Buuut when I walked in the door the next evening he took one look at me and started balling. Here is a picture of what his face looked like (this isn't actually him):
Later that day he began to warm up to me and we actually had a lot of fun dancing, playing catch, and being silly together. Thank Goodness!!
C is a very spoiled little boy and doesn't lack any attention from his Mamma. If he doesn't want me to go the store with him and his mom then I don't. I have to stay home with E. If C doesn't want go to a particular park he doesn't have to go--he is allowed to pick another place to go. If C tells me I can't watch a movie with him then I can't. I have to read or take care of the baby.
I can't really complain about this job. I show up at 10:00am on Saturdays and Sundays. We usually go swimming, play in the park, go on walks, and/or go out to eat. Because C is such a momma's boy I mainly take care of E. She is a very good baby and is really good at sleeping. I stay until around around 9:30 or 10:00pm to help get all the kids in bed and sleeping.
The kids mom is also very good to me. We have gotten to know each other better each time I am there because I go everywhere with them (unless C says otherwise). I even sit at the dinner table with them. It's like I am apart of the family. She told one of her friends I am here weekend husband. :? :) She is also always making sure I am getting the best NY experience while I am here. She gives me ideas of things to do or hooks me up with coupons to shows, ect.
There is apart of me that will miss little E and even C. They both can be very endearing AND without them I wouldn't have a job. ;)
Well last week was my first week and you could say C and I are not the best of friends...yet. This little boy is friendly...when he wants to be. My first day on the job he was constantly telling his mom, "I don't like her." WHAT? Kids have always liked me! What's wrong him? :) By the end of the night he was beginning to warm up to me so I thought the next day would go much better. Buuut when I walked in the door the next evening he took one look at me and started balling. Here is a picture of what his face looked like (this isn't actually him):
Later that day he began to warm up to me and we actually had a lot of fun dancing, playing catch, and being silly together. Thank Goodness!!
C is a very spoiled little boy and doesn't lack any attention from his Mamma. If he doesn't want me to go the store with him and his mom then I don't. I have to stay home with E. If C doesn't want go to a particular park he doesn't have to go--he is allowed to pick another place to go. If C tells me I can't watch a movie with him then I can't. I have to read or take care of the baby.
I can't really complain about this job. I show up at 10:00am on Saturdays and Sundays. We usually go swimming, play in the park, go on walks, and/or go out to eat. Because C is such a momma's boy I mainly take care of E. She is a very good baby and is really good at sleeping. I stay until around around 9:30 or 10:00pm to help get all the kids in bed and sleeping.
The kids mom is also very good to me. We have gotten to know each other better each time I am there because I go everywhere with them (unless C says otherwise). I even sit at the dinner table with them. It's like I am apart of the family. She told one of her friends I am here weekend husband. :? :) She is also always making sure I am getting the best NY experience while I am here. She gives me ideas of things to do or hooks me up with coupons to shows, ect.
There is apart of me that will miss little E and even C. They both can be very endearing AND without them I wouldn't have a job. ;)
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
A Torn Heart
A couple days ago I purchased a ticket to go back to Idaho on the 26th. At the time of purchasing it I was extremely excited. I would get to squeeze on my niece and nephews, I would get to see my family, hang out with some friends before school started up again, and escape the humidity. Later that night though I volunteered at Gifted Hands and I realized I am going to have to say goodbye to some of the relationships I just started. This made me really sad. I am not ready to say goodbye to them. Our friendships were just beginning. But I realize that everything has to come to an end. Even though ending one thing is hard it brings you to the next thing--the next adventure. New York will always have a piece of my heart, but I know that I will be back some day. Until then I will have to focus my attention on what lies ahead in my next adventure.
Crying on the Streets
It's funny how New Yorkers are so different from Westerners.
Every time I am in a store and the cashier is rude I think, if you were in Idaho you would be fired.
Every time I see someone doing something out of the norm on the streets I think, why is nobody staring at them.
Every time I walk past a person I think, it's weird that people try to avoid eye contact.
New York is different. New York is unique. Some days I think I love the way of life here. Some days I crave the way of the West.
I was told that you could start crying anywhere in the city and people wouldn't give you the time of day. This is true...I experienced this myself.
I knew before I came here I would have moments of difficulty, loneliness, confusion, and growth. Even though you learn from each of these things it is still hard to deal with. The other day I had to make a decision. It wasn't a decision that would change my life, but non-the-less it was a decision and I do not like making decisions (side note: this is one of the things I discovered about myself while being in NY). When I had to make this decision I was in Soho--a very crowded place. I was walking on the sidewalk while talking to my mom about it when I couldn't hold it in any longer. I just started crying. At first I was embarrassed but then I realized nobody was looking at me. It didn't even phase anyone that I was leaning up against a building crying. I wasn't sure if I should be bothered by this, or thankful.
Later I was thinking about this. How many times a day does the average person walk my someone who is hurting? How many times could the average person make someone feel better my just smiling at them? Why do people become so self-absorbed and not care about others?
I know that there are a lot of people in NYC, so you can't smile at everyone. I also realize that safety matters so you have to be careful who you smile at or say hi too. But every now and then it wouldn't hurt to be friendly to someone.
The longer I have been here the more New Yorkish I become. But I am still trying hard to be friendly to that mean cashier or share a smile to a random person. It's important to me to share the love. :)
Every time I am in a store and the cashier is rude I think, if you were in Idaho you would be fired.
Every time I see someone doing something out of the norm on the streets I think, why is nobody staring at them.
Every time I walk past a person I think, it's weird that people try to avoid eye contact.
New York is different. New York is unique. Some days I think I love the way of life here. Some days I crave the way of the West.
I was told that you could start crying anywhere in the city and people wouldn't give you the time of day. This is true...I experienced this myself.
I knew before I came here I would have moments of difficulty, loneliness, confusion, and growth. Even though you learn from each of these things it is still hard to deal with. The other day I had to make a decision. It wasn't a decision that would change my life, but non-the-less it was a decision and I do not like making decisions (side note: this is one of the things I discovered about myself while being in NY). When I had to make this decision I was in Soho--a very crowded place. I was walking on the sidewalk while talking to my mom about it when I couldn't hold it in any longer. I just started crying. At first I was embarrassed but then I realized nobody was looking at me. It didn't even phase anyone that I was leaning up against a building crying. I wasn't sure if I should be bothered by this, or thankful.
Later I was thinking about this. How many times a day does the average person walk my someone who is hurting? How many times could the average person make someone feel better my just smiling at them? Why do people become so self-absorbed and not care about others?
I know that there are a lot of people in NYC, so you can't smile at everyone. I also realize that safety matters so you have to be careful who you smile at or say hi too. But every now and then it wouldn't hurt to be friendly to someone.
The longer I have been here the more New Yorkish I become. But I am still trying hard to be friendly to that mean cashier or share a smile to a random person. It's important to me to share the love. :)
Friday, July 8, 2011
Atlantic City--July 4
Tara had a groupon for a trip to Atlantic City. It covered two round-trip bus tickets, two ten dollar food vouchers, and two five dollar casino vouchers. We decided there wasn't a better way to spend the fourth than on the beach.
Being so close to payday and being unemployed for quite some time, Tara and I's checking accounts were getting pretty low. We decided to use another groupon deal she had to a restaurant/cafe called Ted and Honey's. The coupon was for $50.00, allowing us to order A LOT of food. Before we arrived at the cafe we went online and looked up the menu. Our goal was to order as much food as we could that would be good as left overs at the beach. Here was one of the platters we ordered. Let me tell you that this was the best cheese platter I have ever had!
Now that we knew what we were going to eat on the fourth I was a little worried we wouldn't have any food that was festive. While wondering what to do about this terrible situation I got an idea from my cousin to make cake in a jar! This could be our fun, cute, and a festive dessert while we are on the beach--and I was excited about it. However, Let me tell you, finding canning jars in NYC can be a challenge but I wasn't going to give up that easy. I had to have something festive for the Holiday. It took me two hours to find the stinkin' jars. Thank goodness for Target because it saved our fourth of July. Tara and I couldn't have been happier about how cute they turned out. And we had something FESTIVE!
When the morning of the fourth rolled around Tara and I woke up singing "On the boardwalk of Atlantic City, life is but peaches and cream... Cinderella how'd you find your fella? Someone you've been waiting for!! on Romantic Enchanted Atlantic City.. down by the Old New Jersey Shore." We continued to sing as we packed a LARGE bag of food, including our cake in the jar, squeezed into our swimming suits that haven't been worn in sometime--and you could kinda tell, ;) And went to Times Square to catch our bus to Atlantic City. Here we are on the bus Atlantic City bound.
Atlantic City was a lot of fun. Tara and I went straight to the beach to find a spot and eat our cake. We laid in the sun, read our kindles, listened to music, talked, giggled, and took a little cat nap. It was very relaxing.
After we got our fill of the sun we decided to go use our gambling vouchers (Atlantic City is one giant casino). I could probably go down in history because I came out with more money than I came in with. :)
After we ran out of money to gamble we decided to hit the boardwalk one last time and take some pictures. Here are a few.
This Fourth of July will be a time I will treasure forever. Not because I had cake in a jar or laid on the beach, but because of the fun time I had with my sister. We had many giggles--and nothing can beat a time when two sisters are making sweet memories together.
Being so close to payday and being unemployed for quite some time, Tara and I's checking accounts were getting pretty low. We decided to use another groupon deal she had to a restaurant/cafe called Ted and Honey's. The coupon was for $50.00, allowing us to order A LOT of food. Before we arrived at the cafe we went online and looked up the menu. Our goal was to order as much food as we could that would be good as left overs at the beach. Here was one of the platters we ordered. Let me tell you that this was the best cheese platter I have ever had!
Now that we knew what we were going to eat on the fourth I was a little worried we wouldn't have any food that was festive. While wondering what to do about this terrible situation I got an idea from my cousin to make cake in a jar! This could be our fun, cute, and a festive dessert while we are on the beach--and I was excited about it. However, Let me tell you, finding canning jars in NYC can be a challenge but I wasn't going to give up that easy. I had to have something festive for the Holiday. It took me two hours to find the stinkin' jars. Thank goodness for Target because it saved our fourth of July. Tara and I couldn't have been happier about how cute they turned out. And we had something FESTIVE!
When the morning of the fourth rolled around Tara and I woke up singing "On the boardwalk of Atlantic City, life is but peaches and cream... Cinderella how'd you find your fella? Someone you've been waiting for!! on Romantic Enchanted Atlantic City.. down by the Old New Jersey Shore." We continued to sing as we packed a LARGE bag of food, including our cake in the jar, squeezed into our swimming suits that haven't been worn in sometime--and you could kinda tell, ;) And went to Times Square to catch our bus to Atlantic City. Here we are on the bus Atlantic City bound.
Atlantic City was a lot of fun. Tara and I went straight to the beach to find a spot and eat our cake. We laid in the sun, read our kindles, listened to music, talked, giggled, and took a little cat nap. It was very relaxing.
After we got our fill of the sun we decided to go use our gambling vouchers (Atlantic City is one giant casino). I could probably go down in history because I came out with more money than I came in with. :)
After we ran out of money to gamble we decided to hit the boardwalk one last time and take some pictures. Here are a few.
This Fourth of July will be a time I will treasure forever. Not because I had cake in a jar or laid on the beach, but because of the fun time I had with my sister. We had many giggles--and nothing can beat a time when two sisters are making sweet memories together.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Gifted Hands
I have had the opportunity to be part of a nonprofit organization called Gifted Hands. Their mission is to "Provide underserved youth and adults in New York City with educational art programs that build self-esteem and teach new skills". Currently we have been going to an HIV/AIDS Residency to mentor and teach the participants "to create something beautiful with their own gifted hands". I have loved every moment I have spent with these special people.
This last Monday I found myself talking/listening more often than helping with the art projects. I do just love when someone from the residency talks my ear off. One man in particular really opened up and told me some of his life story. As I listened my heart ached for him. He told me some things he experienced in life that I would never want to experience. I pray that he will someday find healing.
I ask you to pray for this organization. Pray that God will continue to to bless them by providing funds, materials, and volunteers. And also pray for the people that are being impacted--pray that they will find healing and love through Jesus Christ.
This last Monday I found myself talking/listening more often than helping with the art projects. I do just love when someone from the residency talks my ear off. One man in particular really opened up and told me some of his life story. As I listened my heart ached for him. He told me some things he experienced in life that I would never want to experience. I pray that he will someday find healing.
I ask you to pray for this organization. Pray that God will continue to to bless them by providing funds, materials, and volunteers. And also pray for the people that are being impacted--pray that they will find healing and love through Jesus Christ.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Dadisms
Since Tara and I were not able to spend Father's Day with our Dad this year we decided to act like him. We would hug each other the way he hugs us, we would say the funny little sayings he says, and would just overall interact with each other the way he would interact with us. This brought us much laughter as we remembered these sweet memories of our dad.
Dad I am truly blessed to have you as a father. I am proud to call you dad. Here are some reasons why you are an amazing dad.
1) Dad you have shared your values with me. I know what’s important to you and where your priorities lie, what you stand for and truly believe.
(2) Dad you have shared how you live your life by biblical principles. Even when life will throw me obstacles in my pathway, I know God’s ways and God’s Word when making tough, crucial decisions because of what you have taught me.
(3) Dad you have shared moments of laughter and fun with me. You are fun to be with and know how to make me laugh. I will never forget our trip to McCall together. The story of “Rock” will always be a fond story—and I just may tell my children that story some day. You have also taught me Christianity is something to be enjoyed, not endured.
(4) Dad you have shared with me the finer interests of life. Instead of condemning my music, dress, TV shows and Internet use, you introduced better alternatives. Even though I wasn’t always fond of this growing up, I am thankful for it now.
(5) Dad you have always told me how valuable I am to you. I never went a day where I didn’t feel loved and treasured by you.
I couldn’t have asked for a better Dad—So thank you!!
Happy Father's Day Daddy!
Dad I am truly blessed to have you as a father. I am proud to call you dad. Here are some reasons why you are an amazing dad.
1) Dad you have shared your values with me. I know what’s important to you and where your priorities lie, what you stand for and truly believe.
(2) Dad you have shared how you live your life by biblical principles. Even when life will throw me obstacles in my pathway, I know God’s ways and God’s Word when making tough, crucial decisions because of what you have taught me.
(3) Dad you have shared moments of laughter and fun with me. You are fun to be with and know how to make me laugh. I will never forget our trip to McCall together. The story of “Rock” will always be a fond story—and I just may tell my children that story some day. You have also taught me Christianity is something to be enjoyed, not endured.
(4) Dad you have shared with me the finer interests of life. Instead of condemning my music, dress, TV shows and Internet use, you introduced better alternatives. Even though I wasn’t always fond of this growing up, I am thankful for it now.
(5) Dad you have always told me how valuable I am to you. I never went a day where I didn’t feel loved and treasured by you.
I couldn’t have asked for a better Dad—So thank you!!
Happy Father's Day Daddy!
The Love of Christ
Lately I have been on such a high. Nothing seemed to really bother me or put me in a bad mood.
But yesterday was different.
Yesterday was tough.
Yesterday I woke up feeling tired, lonely, and irritable.
As I left for church I didn't really want to go. I didn't feel like trying to find someone to sit with or try to be talkative to a bunch of people I didn't know. My heart felt full--full of heavy rocks that were weighing me down. However, I knew that church was the perfect place to go to empty out the rocks in my heart. So I went.
I always take the F train to church. The F is usually Full, Familiar, and Fast (this is a little activity my sister and I do. We gave each train a few names that describe them using words with the same letter of that train. Another Ex: R train - Ridiculous, Raunchy, un-Reliable.) Anyways, I didn't realize this usually very Faithful F train was running on the A line this weekend. As soon as I got on I realized my stop was not on the reader board. I decided to ride it for a little bit but I had no clue where I was going which made me nervous. Since the train system is underground phones do not work. In this case, I had to get off of the train and out of the station so I could reach cell-phone service. I called Tara and she figured out what I needed to do. At this point, I was going to be about 45 minutes late for church. Sigh...I contemplated whether or not to just go home.
But I kept dragging my feet and went to church.
I tried to sneak through the front doors of the church without being seen. But that didn't happen. The greeter caught me trying to be sneaky and called me out on it. He hugged me, kissed my cheek, and told me that he was so happy I came back. He said, "You found a home!!" This brought a smile to my face.
I continued walking through the church and up a couple flights of stairs to the sanctuary. Before I approached the sanctuary I was hoping I would find my family sitting in there. I was thinking how nice it would be to comfortably go plop down beside one of them. I was wishing that I could look down the pew and make eye contact and whisper a little "hi" to each family member just like I would normally do on a Sunday at home. I was dreaming that I would be able to hold my little niece and nephews in my lap. But when I walked through the doors I didn't know who to sit with.
So I sat alone.
The pastor was preaching about the love of Christ and how society sometimes misunderstands the real meaning of love. Christ's love is sacrificial, unconditional, undeserving. We too should love how Christ loves. He gave the congregation a moment to "spread the love" to the people sitting around us. I didn't move. I was already trying not to cry throughout the service so I didn't want any attention. I decided to close my eyes and pretend I was invisible. As I was pretending to me invisible I felt a large hand on my shoulder. I wasn't sure if I should ignore the person or look up at them. I ignored him for a quick second and decided to look up once he removed his hand. His eyes were kind, and non-judgmental. I felt Christ's love.
Soon after everyone "spread the love" we began singing. I do not even remember what song we sang. All I remember is finding my self crying. Crying hard. I didn't want to draw attention to myself but there was no escaping it. I was a blubbery mess. The man who earlier placed his hand on my shoulder came up beside me and handed me a Kleenex. I was embarrassed but thankful.
This church is small so I am sure many saw me crying. I was tempted to leave church early so I would not have to talk to anyone. But I stayed, even though I did not want too. Once church let out the pastor headed to the back of the church to greet everyone. He was kind and wanted to know more about me. He too invited me to call this church my home.
Walking home from church I still felt a little sad. I wanted to talk to someone. My family and some of my friends back home were all still in church and Lindsay was working. I decided to try to call Lindsay anyway, hoping she would be on her break. She was. It was perfect. Thank you God for giving me Lindsay.
Even though yesterday was hard, I was constantly reminded of Christ's love.
But yesterday was different.
Yesterday was tough.
Yesterday I woke up feeling tired, lonely, and irritable.
As I left for church I didn't really want to go. I didn't feel like trying to find someone to sit with or try to be talkative to a bunch of people I didn't know. My heart felt full--full of heavy rocks that were weighing me down. However, I knew that church was the perfect place to go to empty out the rocks in my heart. So I went.
I always take the F train to church. The F is usually Full, Familiar, and Fast (this is a little activity my sister and I do. We gave each train a few names that describe them using words with the same letter of that train. Another Ex: R train - Ridiculous, Raunchy, un-Reliable.) Anyways, I didn't realize this usually very Faithful F train was running on the A line this weekend. As soon as I got on I realized my stop was not on the reader board. I decided to ride it for a little bit but I had no clue where I was going which made me nervous. Since the train system is underground phones do not work. In this case, I had to get off of the train and out of the station so I could reach cell-phone service. I called Tara and she figured out what I needed to do. At this point, I was going to be about 45 minutes late for church. Sigh...I contemplated whether or not to just go home.
But I kept dragging my feet and went to church.
I tried to sneak through the front doors of the church without being seen. But that didn't happen. The greeter caught me trying to be sneaky and called me out on it. He hugged me, kissed my cheek, and told me that he was so happy I came back. He said, "You found a home!!" This brought a smile to my face.
I continued walking through the church and up a couple flights of stairs to the sanctuary. Before I approached the sanctuary I was hoping I would find my family sitting in there. I was thinking how nice it would be to comfortably go plop down beside one of them. I was wishing that I could look down the pew and make eye contact and whisper a little "hi" to each family member just like I would normally do on a Sunday at home. I was dreaming that I would be able to hold my little niece and nephews in my lap. But when I walked through the doors I didn't know who to sit with.
So I sat alone.
The pastor was preaching about the love of Christ and how society sometimes misunderstands the real meaning of love. Christ's love is sacrificial, unconditional, undeserving. We too should love how Christ loves. He gave the congregation a moment to "spread the love" to the people sitting around us. I didn't move. I was already trying not to cry throughout the service so I didn't want any attention. I decided to close my eyes and pretend I was invisible. As I was pretending to me invisible I felt a large hand on my shoulder. I wasn't sure if I should ignore the person or look up at them. I ignored him for a quick second and decided to look up once he removed his hand. His eyes were kind, and non-judgmental. I felt Christ's love.
Soon after everyone "spread the love" we began singing. I do not even remember what song we sang. All I remember is finding my self crying. Crying hard. I didn't want to draw attention to myself but there was no escaping it. I was a blubbery mess. The man who earlier placed his hand on my shoulder came up beside me and handed me a Kleenex. I was embarrassed but thankful.
This church is small so I am sure many saw me crying. I was tempted to leave church early so I would not have to talk to anyone. But I stayed, even though I did not want too. Once church let out the pastor headed to the back of the church to greet everyone. He was kind and wanted to know more about me. He too invited me to call this church my home.
Walking home from church I still felt a little sad. I wanted to talk to someone. My family and some of my friends back home were all still in church and Lindsay was working. I decided to try to call Lindsay anyway, hoping she would be on her break. She was. It was perfect. Thank you God for giving me Lindsay.
Even though yesterday was hard, I was constantly reminded of Christ's love.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Painting LOVE on the wall
Tara and I have been joking that she will bring home the bacon and I will cook the bacon. My original plan was to either have a live-in nanny position or get a place of my own. Sometimes things do not go according to plan. I had a job but was soon "let go" because the family found someone that could commit to them for at least a year rather than just a couple months. Though I understood this was best for their adorable little one I was bummed. They were really nice about it and asked if I would still be willing watch their little girl for date nights, ect. because their little girl really liked me. Deep inside I am hoping their girl hates the new nanny...and will want me back. Is that wrong?? :) Anyways so I am living the unemployed life. I do a lot of exploring, going to interviews, meeting Tara for lunch, hanging out with Tara's friends, cleaning the apartment, and sometimes try to have dinner ready. Well Tara told me that she would pay me if I would deep clean her apartment, finish painting her apartment, and clean the bathroom she shares with another person next door. I kind of feel funny taking money from my sister especially when she is letting me live with her right now, but I took the offer. So, today I cleaned, painted, cleaned, painted, cleaned, and painted some more. Even though, some of my plans here have not turned out like I wanted them to I am still loving it.
I love the feeling of independence.
I love the feeling of being somewhere new.
I love the time I have been able to spend with my sister.
I love that I can sit in coffee shops for hours and people watch.
I love the different cultures.
I love the food.
I love the new opportunities I have.
I love all the walking I do.
I love how everyday I discover something new about myself.
I love how everyday I discover something new about the city.
I love that I am here.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
A place of Worship
On Sunday I finally attended a church here in NY. I do not know why it took me so long to finally go because attending church always rejuvenates my spirit. And there is nothing better than worshiping with a church family. Man am I thankful I did go. God was present--I could feel it.
When I arrived outside the sanctuary doors I was greeted by a lady named D. D was warm and inviting. She began asking me questions and telling me about herself. As she was talking I was smiling to myself because prior to my arrival in NY my mom's boss' friend had been in contact with D about me. D was asked to take me somewhat under her 'wing' (to makeme my mom feel better about having me live in a city with no experience whatsoever). D also invited me to help volunteer with an organization called Gifted Hands. I had the opportunity to go a home care facility for people with HIV/AIDS and participate in arts and crafts with them. It was a time where we could just love on 'em.
I also met another lady named C who lives in both Boise and NY (I think). How often to you find someone in NY that has a home in Boise??? Umm...Not very often. C works at the Disney's New Amsterdam Theater in Times Square. She asked me if needed a job because the theater needs more ushers. As of right now I do not have a job so this was a praise.
There was also a missionary from Africa that spoke. She mentioned the places she lived in Africa and I realized a good friend of mine use to live there (thats you Kels :)) After the service I asked her if she knew my friends...and she did. I just thought that was neat.
I left church that day with a full heart.
When I arrived outside the sanctuary doors I was greeted by a lady named D. D was warm and inviting. She began asking me questions and telling me about herself. As she was talking I was smiling to myself because prior to my arrival in NY my mom's boss' friend had been in contact with D about me. D was asked to take me somewhat under her 'wing' (to make
I also met another lady named C who lives in both Boise and NY (I think). How often to you find someone in NY that has a home in Boise??? Umm...Not very often. C works at the Disney's New Amsterdam Theater in Times Square. She asked me if needed a job because the theater needs more ushers. As of right now I do not have a job so this was a praise.
There was also a missionary from Africa that spoke. She mentioned the places she lived in Africa and I realized a good friend of mine use to live there (thats you Kels :)) After the service I asked her if she knew my friends...and she did. I just thought that was neat.
I left church that day with a full heart.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Discovering ME...in New York City
Sometimes people get stuck in a rut. The type of run that consumes your life and you can't find the end of the tunnel. This last school year I felt like I was in a rut. I lost the purpose in my life. My relationship with God became stagnant, I wasn't interested in my major anymore, and I hardly ever felt at peace about anything. I felt like complaining more often than rejoicing. I would try to change my attitude but I kept falling deeper and deeper into a rut. One thing kept me going...CHANGE was coming. I was going to live in NYC for the summer to nanny. Before I came I spent a lot of time in prayer. I was scared. I knew I would be put in situations that I have never been in before. I have never been far away from home for more than a couple weeks. I would have to find a new summer church family. I would have to be extra responsible financially. I would have to make decisions that I wouldn't later regret. I was going to have to learn to become independent. I was going to grow--and sometimes growing is painful.
Now that I am here I am not only finding things out about myself, but fear doesn't seem to have such a strong hold on my life anymore. I feel like I am free to do anything--and I will succeed at it. I feel like I am Discovering ME. And I like it. As I continue my summer here I want to continue to Discover ME. I want to Discover who I am in Christ. Discover the way I want to live. Discover my strengths, my weaknesses. Discover my passions, and the things I am not so passionate about. I want to discover that fear doesn't have to hold me back. Discover that I can overcome my insecurities. I want to discover that I can do whatever I want to do and be whatever I want to be. I want to Discover ME.
Now that I am here I am not only finding things out about myself, but fear doesn't seem to have such a strong hold on my life anymore. I feel like I am free to do anything--and I will succeed at it. I feel like I am Discovering ME. And I like it. As I continue my summer here I want to continue to Discover ME. I want to Discover who I am in Christ. Discover the way I want to live. Discover my strengths, my weaknesses. Discover my passions, and the things I am not so passionate about. I want to discover that fear doesn't have to hold me back. Discover that I can overcome my insecurities. I want to discover that I can do whatever I want to do and be whatever I want to be. I want to Discover ME.
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